Attempt 2

Had a really weird dream last night. And figured it might be something to write about. At the risk of turning this free-writing exercise into a journal writing exercise. Although I suppose it's always going to be about whatever is going on around me. Unfortunately I didn't think to write about my dream as soon as I woke up as it's already a little hazy. But I was doing an Equity & Trusts exam. And by the end of the period - probably three hours or something - I'd written less than a side of A4. It felt like I'd slept through most of the exam and couldn't understand how the time was already up. My tutor - reminiscent of my Sociology of Law undergraduate tutor - offered to give me an oral test. But my mind was a fussy mess. Suppose I haven't been sleeping well. Woke up a few times during the night and this would probably explain why I was even able to remember the dream. Have been working up til now. But have hit an afternoon lull after lunch. Where I can hardly keep my eyes open. It's also a little reminiscent of the final episode of Ronny Chieng International Student. The first series, at least. I suppose it's similar to a recurring dream where I had to go back to school and retake my A-Levels for whatever reason. Some kind of impostor syndrome related thing. Which would anyone believe you're intelligent? What a fraud! And such like. So that's a few more minutes of free-writing. Which I put down as a minor success.

Attempt 1

So this is my first attempt at putting this exercise into practice. About 10-15 minutes of free-writing. Am listening to Björk after reading an interview with her in the Guardian this morning. Apparently her new album is coming out shortly. The follow-up to Vulnicura. Can't say I listened to that album as much as I should have. Think Björk's music is appropriate for specific moods. Perhaps I'm in that mood now. Remember picking up a best of when I was at University. It covered Debut, Post, Homogenic, and Vespertine. Not sure I'm doing this free-writing correctly. I keep going over to google. Perhaps because I can't spell anything related to Björk. I also don't know the keyboard shortcut for the umlaut. Am looking forward to finally seeing her for the first time next summer. All Points East in Victoria Park. Had the opportunity to see her at Castlefield Bowl in 2015. But passed up on the opportunity. Stupidly. And every time she's played recently - Alexandra Palace or Royal Albert Hall - the tickets have been exorbitantly expensive.

In terms of the free-writing exercise. It's taken 10 days to attempt my first entry. This is despite a few train journeys that presumably would have provided ample opportunity. But I also feel so tired recently. Ever more than usual. And that seems to increase when I'm on a train. I've also been feeling pretty off since Tuesday. Went to see Japanese Breakfast then. Which I was really looking forward to. And I really enjoyed. But haven't felt great since then. Due to circumstances. I suppose beyond my control. But perhaps I won't go into that further. Also extremely stressed with my other writing. Really should be progressing better than this. Where has the year gone. What do I do with the summer. There seems to be growling coming from outside the window. Foxes fighting in the garden? I saw a black cat earlier. I keep going back to edit typos. Not that there are loads. Again, missing the point. Looking out the window I can see the remenants of our kitchen. What a mess. I don't like living like this. But hopefully we should have a beautiful - or perfunctory - kitchen in a week or two. Maybe that will help my mood. Although think that extremely specific. Think that might be a good time to call it quits for today. About 10 minutes of typing. And now I'll go back to my other writing. Thanks,


p.s. The hyperlink was definitely outside the remit of the exercise.

Exercise

So this is probably like a New Year's Resolution. Although it's actually the second day of November. I did intend to start this yesterday and trial it to the end of the year, but ... evidently that didn't quite happen. And this isn't really even the exercise. More a description of what the exercise is. Good start!

The notion - and I'll come back to the inspiration shortly - is that I'll spend a short period (perhaps between 5 and 20 minutes) each day undertaking a free-writing exercise. So what is free-writing? Here's the Wikipedia description:

Free writing is a prewriting technique in which a person writes continuously for a set period of time without regard to spelling, grammar, or topic. It produces raw, often unusable material, but helps writers overcome blocks of apathy and self-criticism. It is used mainly by prose writers and writing teachers. Some writers use the technique to collect initial thoughts and ideas on a topic, often as a preliminary to formal writing. Free writing is not the same as automatic writing.

I first came across the expression in a PhD training session, 'Fear of the Blank Page'. Although I can't say that it's something I've practised much up to this point.

The next question would have to be why do I want to undertake this exercise. The inspiration comes from an article I read a couple of days ago. In it Mitski reviews (in quite possibly the loosest sense of the term) the new Weezer album. During the interview she talks about a podcast in which Rivers Cuomo discusses his writing process, specifically related to the track 'Summer Elaine and Drunk Dori' from 2016's White Album. This passage from her piece struck me as extremely interesting:

As I ruminated over aging and writing, a songwriter friend recommended the Song Exploder episode featuring Rivers Cuomo. On the podcast, Cuomo describes his profoundly methodical system of writing, which includes making spreadsheets of lyrical phrases, tagged in exhaustive detail based on the strength and number of syllables, as well as logging chord progressions he likes in other artists’ songs, re-recording them with a guitar, naming the recordings something that won’t remind him of the original songs when played back, then later writing over those recordings. It especially caught my attention that Cuomo draws much of his lyrical phrases from a daily journaling practice. He says, “I do stream-of-consciousness in the morning for 25 minutes. I started in 2010 after reading The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron, it’s called morning pages […] I come back at a later time, maybe the next day, with a highlighter, totally detached. I don’t really care what I was talking about, I just look for really cool lines, I highlight those, then they end up in the spreadsheet.” [emphasis added]

So what is it about the notion of a 'daily journaling practice'. Well I'm currently writing up my PhD thesis. This is not fun! And writing thus becomes a chore. When you even can write that is. Suppose my reasons for undertaking this exercise therefore are twofold:

Good Writing Habits: It feels that getting into the habit of writing every day - even if it isn't thesis related - will help foster a different attitude towards writing as I get to the final stages of my PhD.

Creative Outlet: This one is perhaps more interesting. And links back to why Rivers undertakes this exercise. Recently I started chatting to someone I met through a social music discovery (?!) site. The messages to each other - over on a popular instant messaging service at this juncture - have become fairly unwieldy. It perhaps takes an average of twenty minutes to response, although I suppose that takes into account thinking about what I want to say and editing it to avoid stupid mistakes ... or even saying anything stupid, which could happen when thoughts spill out of my mind - even if some of the conversational threads are more than a little odd anyway. This makes me wonder whether I've found a kindred soul who inspires me to discuss such topics and head off on various tangents (not that I need a lot of encouragement on that front) ... or I'm just enjoying the opportunity to make vague attempts to be witty and amusing to a captive audience of one who doesn't really know me yet. And it's probably a little of both. I had a similar experience nearly two years ago with someone who I'd now regard as a close friend, albeit who has now moved away. We even discussed this at the point whilst we were still 'penpals' (which probably felt accurate, if slightly strange for a couple of people in their late-20s/early-30s - it was just under a month or so before we actually met). And there was definitely a mutual desire to show off ... whilst getting to know the other person. I suppose at that point you're still filling in the gaps. So that's where the element of writing for yourself comes into play. Guess what I'm saying is that I really like writing these long engaging message to someone I hardly know - we did meet a few days after we started chatting, but only the once so far. Whatever may come of that friendship. It has inspired me to seek an alternative avenue for that creative expression. The desire to write. For myself.

Maybe this is also linked to the fact I picked up my guitar and melodica again. After a few months. Even messed about on GarageBand last week. Just a nice little riff and some messing about with the fx pads. But it was fun nonetheless. Not that I was ever much of a songwriter. I like the idea of free-writing a few days per week and then reading back over the results at the end of the week/month. What I'll write about, who knows. But feels like I have some inspiration at the moment. The challenging part might be to not overthink it. Just write for 10 minutes non-stop. Rather than writing for a longer period. But agonising over every sentence.

So there it is. I think a minimum of three to five entries per week is achievable. And recording it on this blog - not necessarily for public consumption, but as a means of self-regulating ... and an easy way to link up to my phone so that I can write when I have a few moments rather than been tied to anything specific - seems to be the way to go. Suppose the key question is whether I keep it up, ...